The STOPLight

Sexual addiction: A Book review

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. Published by Hazelden Foundation, 1992 ISBN: 1-56838-055-0

If you have ever wondered why famous, powerful people have sexual encounters which could ruin their careers; why the "sex industry" is so pervasive; how our cultural messages about sex influence personal sexual attitudes and behavior; how there can be such a thing as sexual addiction when after all, sex is a part of life; or why your own sexual behavior is causing you and your family a lot of pain, read this book.

Out of the Shadows helps readers understand what sexual addiction is, how it occurs, how it plays out in people's lives, and what treatment is available. For those who struggle with sexual addiction, Carnes provides hopeful insight into the addiction, finally giving voice to the pain and shame in which they have been living. For those whose lives are intertwined with an addict, he shows how their lives have been affected by the addiction and how they may have become co-addicts. For others, there is value in learning about this addiction and the familial and cultural beliefs that contribute to it.

As the first book ever published on sexual addiction, it sheds light on addictions in general, the addictive family system, the neurochemistry of addictions, the role of child abuse in sexual addictions, the impact of shame on addictive behavior, and understanding the recovery process. The stories are shocking, but are told in such a way as to be insightful, not for titillation. There is ample discussion of what was going on in each story, so that the reader can better understand the behavior of the addict.

Out of the Shadows is intended to be a first read on the topic of sexual addiction. Chapter one focuses on the addiction cycle. The addict's core belief system distorts his or her view of reality, leading to denial, delusional thinking, and suspicion. The addiction cycle is a series of steps the addict goes through, with the addiction becoming deeper with each cycle. The sexual addict's life becomes unmanageable while trying to hide the behavior--and the sexual experience becomes the primary relationship for the addict.

Chapter two describes the three levels of addictive behavior, each varying with the amount of victimization and societal sanctions. Chapter three focuses on the family and how family relationships help create the addict's belief system. Often, sexual addiction is transferred from one generation to the next. Chapter four provides insight into the life of the co-addict, the loved one who is so involved with the life of the addict that he or she begins to participate in the impaired thinking patterns of the addict. Their belief system is similar to that of the addict, and a similar process of recovery is needed for healthy living.

Chapter five examines the various belief systems which encourage the addiction: cultural, familial, and the core beliefs. In recovery, addicts and co-addicts must unravel their faulty beliefs and replace them with healthy ones. Chapter six leads the reader into the Twelve Step discipline, the recovery process encouraged by Carnes. Chapter seven is a charge to all readers--addicts or not--to be supportive of efforts to get addicts into treatment and create more helpful discussions around the issue.

Finally, Carnes provides a list of resources, both books and organizations, which can provide further insight into sexual addiction as well as referrals for Twelve-Step groups. They cannot all be listed here, but one worth mentioning is the National Council on Sex Addiction, P0 Box 20249, Wickenburg, AZ 85358, 602-684-7919.

Carnes writes only briefly about people who are sold in prostitution. He acknowledges the widespread availability of people in prostitution, often in places not expected or known about. He intention-ally avoids a discussion of whether or not prostitution is a victimless crime, choosing instead to focus on the addict whose involvement with prostitution is "crippling his or her life." He recognizes the prevalence of the use of prostitutes by sex addicts, and he notes that the understanding of prostitutes needs to be expanded.

The themes presented in this book are in line with our mission at A-STOP. We seek to prevent commercial sexual exploitation and bring honor and accountability to all relationships. Through the fictionalized stories presented, we see that addicts are often the customers of the sex industry, who because of their addiction, have no control over their sexual actions. As they recover, the exploitative activities cease, being replaced with honor and accountability in their relationships. When an addict recovers, one piece of the exploitation is prevented, and people as a whole are a bit closer to healthier views about sex.

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.