The STOPLight

How can we grieve this tragedy?

Can we find a way to grieve a recent tragedy? In early August news broke that a very large family-operated prostitution ring was busted with raids, indictments, and arrests in Minnesota and elsewhere. This case was startling in four ways.

First, COOPERATION. Seventy-five law enforcement agencies actually cooperated in their undercover work. The FBI, the IRS, U.S. Attorney's offices, police departments and others worked together over two years to investigate and crack this case.

Second, SIZE. When one views the police records, it seems impossible that at least 15 members of the Evans family were allowed to purposely and systematically pick off their victims, 50 of whom are known (but numbering into the hundreds), and that their operation was allowed to grow as they transported enslaved young women to 24 different states and two Canadian provinces for use in prostitution.

Third, LONGETIVITY. The family ran its prostitution ring for at least 17 years. Police records revealed a long series of complaints against these men. Families of girls entrapped by the Evans family have sought police help for a long time. The arrest of two teenage girls in St. Louis got the investigation going. They had been transported there by the Evans family.

Fourth, LACK OF GRIEVING. For all the headlines, there were no pictures of the victims, no chance for family members to publicly grieve, no high school to announce this as a tragedy for some of their students as at Columbine. All the victims belonged to families, communities, schools. But their schools are not talking and their families are not coming forward...too much stigma, too much hurt, too much confusion, too many deep scars.

Many of these young women, now deeply wounded and stuck in the quicksand of a culture that won't let its victims escape, will continue to stay in the life of prostitution -- even though they initially had no choice in the matter. Here we have a double tragedy. They are like fish that have swallowed the hook. You can cut the line but the hook is still deep inside and will always affect their lives.

This great tragedy in the lives of hundreds of young women and their families has been revealed. In terms of bitterness, anguish, heartbreak, or pain, we will never know what all these people have experienced. How can we grieve this tragedy?

Columbine was so clear-cut and visible. We saw videos of kids running, pictures of victims, the outrage of families, funeral services-and the grief and loss of the families and students left behind. We could see and understand that the tragedy was real. It made us pause and consider what is going on in our country.

But this prostitution-ring situation (in many ways more tragic) leaves us with no way to grieve. We are not sure just who or what we are grieving. There are no pictures of victims, no family interviews, no bleeding wounds to show. The Sunday after the news broke, at worship services in two different churches, both pastors chose to list a number of recent tragedies-but neither mentioned this one. When brought to their attention, they gladly listed it in their next services. We all need to find ways to connect with this tragedy.

The sex industry will continue its unabated onslaught of our youth until we find a way to grieve what is taking place in our country today. The calamity is that even with the Evans family behind bars, there are hundreds of other predators still snaring our youth every day and many more jumping into the game. But we sit unmoved, without grieving, immobilized, confused or resigned, unable to come to terms with this reality. What do we need to do?

Here are five suggestions:

1. Work to understand this yourself. A-STOP's national speaker, Heidi Somerset, is a survivor of prostitution who helps people see the reality of prostitution. One listener in a recent audience told her, "It was wonderful to be able to hear you. Now I am going to go home and puke." We need to give ourselves a chance to know and emotionally respond to what's happening.
2. Pray for grace to grieve. Become an A-STOP prayer partner. Every two months we send out prayer requests giving people a chance to step into the anguish of youth caught, of families suffering.
3. Like good grieving, we need to allow our pain and loss to be spoken and felt. In this matter silence is not golden. Share what you've learned.
4. Give up judging; begin loving. Rather than blaming and standing aloof, let us with humility embrace the families' pain and state our commitment to stand with them. Let us show love as we would want it from them. Then we can both grieve with them and strengthen them at the same time.
5. Respect the victims. Using pornography or letting the sex industry deceive us in any way, may very well be collaborating with exploiters. Let us open our eyes to see people, not bodies. Let us refuse to let our sexual appetites or flippant attitudes rob us of our chance to grieve and support.

by Al Erickson, founder and director of A-STOP

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.