The STOPLight

Let's not become what we hate

So you want to become a leader who will make a real difference for the youth of this country or your area. What is it going to take? Leaders are not born leaders. Leaders do not become leaders by only staying with what is natural to them.

To become a leader one must go through a journey of being stretched beyond the attitudes and actions one would normally have. Leaders are called to operate from a new set of distinctions which challenge them to the very core.

This is particularly true in the arena of violence. If someone takes advantage of me or puts me down, what is my normal reaction? I will take revenge. I will be violent in some way in return. Is this leadership? No. Just because almost every movie and TV show espouses this kind of response, it doesn't mean we are learning anything about leadership here.

The young man David in the Bible lived in a violent society. He grew up with blood on his hands. It was always a matter of out-fighting his opponents. Life was cheap. In I Samuel 25 we find him out in the desert trying to avoid being hunted down by the paranoid King Saul who wanted David dead. While living there, David and his army of men had occasion to protect the shepherds and livestock of a rich man named Nabal. When a feast day was coming up, David saw there was little food so he sent ten men to go ask the rich man for what he could supply since David had been good to him.

Instead of treating David with respect and gratitude, he scoffed, "Who is David? Who is this son of Jesse that I should give him anything?" Most people realized David was slated to become the king but Nabal foolishly did not honor that.

When David heard how his men had been humiliated and turned away, he was enraged. He decided his army would attack Nabal and his company and not one man would be left alive. David let feelings of revenge completely captivate and control him.

Fortunately, in this situation, Nabal's wife Abigail showed real leadership. She realized what danger her husband put his people in. She quickly assembled a mountain of food -- meats, breads, cakes -- and went out to intercept David and his army. When she met him, she humbled herself, asked him to listen to her, and admitted what a foolish response her husband had made. Mainly, she called on David not to take the law into his own hands.

Abigail honored David for being a man of God and for all the good things God was doing through David. She appealed to him to not have this blood on his conscience when he became the leader of the people. She made David realize he could take the food she brought and also be bigger in attitude than his original vengeful feelings.

Those of us who have been brutalized by the sex industry and have experienced deeply the life-changing damage being done would like to respond violently. Even if this hasn't affected us personally, we can easily become as mean and nasty as those who ruin others. So easily we can become what we hate -- violent, mean-spirited, manipulative, condemning, verbally abusive.

Abigail's leadership gives us a whole new track to run on. What about putting at stake the lives of the young people back home who will be devastated if we don't do something? What about speaking with humility, with the good of even the oppressors in mind? What about recognizing our own pride, greed, lust and lovelessness and stepping down from our perches?

What about being prepared with excellent food (for thought) to share a new perspective, offer articles, courses, videos, or newsletters? (Feel free to copy The STOPlight and pass it on.)

What about breaking out of the old hatreds, the usual-yet-boring reactions, and putting at stake that I myself (the person in my chair) will be the source of people seeing the world differently? What about taking in what God is doing in the world and honoring and yielding to that instead of my petty little agendas? God will take care of the vengeance part; that is not our job.

I urge each of us to step into being this kind of leader. Let us call our newspaper and TV station and ask them what they are committed to. Let us pray for them. Let us request them to give the leadership that will have our kids be safe and whole. Let us support them in that. And let us do that with our pastors, our churches, our schools, and yes, our porn shops, our strip bars, our escort services.

Let us find a bold alternative to becoming what we hate. And let us reach out for allies so we can support each other in being the leaders we never expected to be. Stretch out and be an Abigail.

by Al Erickson, founder and director of A-STOP

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.