The STOPLight

Counseling valued by survivor

As the mother of four children, Juanita’s focus since leaving the lifestyle of prostitution has been on her family and herself. Family and individual counseling were intense during the first years. Even now, over six years after getting out, she considers counseling a valuable option available to her and her children as problems surface.

Juanita recalls being sexually molested as a child at age 4 and again at age 9. Both molesters were boyfriends of her mother. "Although I didn’t understand it at the time," she said, "when I was 13 my mother brought home a trick." She entered prostitution at age 16 after a very violent rape. "I think my self esteem was real low because of the rape and how I was brought up. As a teenager, I tried to commit suicide." The man she became involved with, and later married, was her pimp for 16 years.

After the first few years of prostitution, "he didn’t actively use me as a prostitute anymore, but to run his house for him — he had a sauna — and to recruit his girls." Because of her own experiences growing up, she could tell which girls were vulnerable to being recruited into prostitution. Although it was hard to accept, counseling helped her realize that she had gone from being a victim to being a victimizer. "I still feel really guilty a lot of times. There were times women wanted to leave and I talked them into staying."

Once when she was in the hospital as a result of physical abuse, she was given the number for a battered women’s shelter and told to call if she ever felt she could come in. "(I felt that) it wasn’t right to raise kids the way we were raising them, (but) what really made me think about leaving him was when he sent for his 19-year-old daughter (not Juanita’s child) and ‘turned her out’ (prostituted her)." The last three years with him she abused alcohol and crack constantly. "I had paranoid dreams that news people were going to come to our home and find a hidden body. I was afraid he was going to kill someone who tried to leave." It was a morning of abuse that precipitated her leaving her husband and taking her children with her to the shelter.

After living in the shelter for 1-1/2 months, the advocates there helped her relocate to Minnesota. At that time, they knew of only three cities that had programs specifically for survivors of prostitution — San Francisco, New York City and Minneapolis. "I made the decision to come here," she said.

She and her family lived in a women’s shelter during their first three months in Minneapolis. She participated in a support group for survivors of prostitution on a regular basis. "It helped me to know that what I went through wasn’t just because I was a horrible person."

While there, a child protection worker talked to her and tested her children for sexual abuse and found evidence of it. "I was not aware of it at the time it was happening. (What I was aware of) was more a crossing of boundaries than actual physical abuse." It was in Minneapolis that she learned her children would be taken away if she returned to her husband. "I left prostitution because of the abuse and I stayed out because of my children."

Juanita’s advice to anyone vulnerable to being recruited into prostitution or who wants to get out is: "Seek help. Talk about it. Try to find someone you can trust and talk about it.

"When I first started going to counseling I was so anxious for some kind of relief from what I was feeling. I asked them how long I would be in counseling and they said six months. They knew if they said one to two years I would get discouraged. (You have to) just keep going to counseling or self-help groups. Seek out others for support.

"It was real hard for me to enjoy life or enjoy a nice day or to think I ever would again. If you just keep working on it even though you don’t want to, you will enjoy life again. You will enjoy beauty. . . and everything; your children. I never used to enjoy my children. I loved them, but I never had fun with them before.

"I think counseling is good but once you get the major things out of the way, you can take a break. I still feel like every now and then something surfaces that I need help to take care of."

When asked how she feels about things now, she says "I feel real good about my life. I feel I need to work on my education and find a good job with benefits. I work really hard with my kids to try to keep their self-esteem up."

Interviewed by Joan Hendrickson, S.T.O.P. Committee

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.