The STOPLight

"Your sister is a prostitute"

When I heard those words...

Immediate, silent, anguished cry of denial.

A rush of questions: Who said? Since when? Where is she? Who is forcing her? Is she ok?

On the outside everything continues unchanged. But inside—hurt. For her. For me. For our parents.

Inner searching, weeping, asking. How could something this earthshaking, this gut-wrenching, this heart-breaking happen and I not know? Were there signals I couldn't see? Were there pleas for help I didn't hear? What could I, should I have done to prevent it? Is it all my fault? Why couldn't I protect her from this ugliness?

Deep sighs and silent prayers.

An urgent, compelling need to learn more about prostitution. I'm so naive, so far removed from life on the street.

I made one phone call. (In my case it was a crisis intervention hotline. In many areas there is a United Way "first call for help" type of phone number or some other center for referral. If you don't know what it is in your town, call the public library's reference desk to find out.)

The support group I was referred to was made up of friends and family members of prostitutes. Most were parents; some with children still missing or still on the streets. Some whose daughters were getting out of prostitution. Others whose loved ones were "survivors" leading healthy, productive lives.

Questions tumbled out amid tears. How can I help her? What should I do if I meet her on the street or if she calls? I don't want to put her in danger or push her away. I want her to know I love her.

What a release! What a lightening of the load! What a relief to talk freely, openly, about such a painful, misunderstood subject. The warmth, the empathy, the caring and sharing among group members helped take away the feelings of helplessness and isolation; tempered the despair with hope; gave me permission to grieve, to be angry, to acknowledge my ambivalence. I also learned more about prostitution than I ever would have chosen to know.

I want you to know that help is out there for you. You are not alone in wanting and needing and deserving help. Keep looking until you find it. If you run into an obstacle one place, try again from another angle. Persist. Insist. Your sanity, and possibly the life of a loved one caught in the abusive cycle of prostitution, may depend on it.

by JM, Minneapolis, Minnesota

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.