The STOPLight

Are you a father? Read this

This article is written for every man who has ever fathered a child. It is not written to blame anyone. My intention is to help you fathers see the impact you have on the lives of your children.

Some things in life happen over which we have no control, like a lightning strike or a plane crash. We can’t get through life without some bad things happening along the way. Then there are other situations where we are in control, when we can do something to make a difference, and we simply don’t do it. In fact, sometimes we are not even aware of a problem coming up so we can’t avoid it, much less do something about it.

Do you want your child to be safe? Is your child vulnerable to being forced into prostitution because of something you did—or didn’t do? For the sake of your child, are you willing to receive some coaching? There are things you can and should do now that could mean the difference between joy and despair, maybe life and death, for your child. Your relationship with your child is vitally important.

To the ABSENT father

You may already be living with a sense of hopelessness. You impregnated a woman (maybe your wife) but now you either never or seldom see the child you fathered. You see no chance to be a parent. Perhaps your own dad was absent from your life and you’re angry inside about it but don’t know how to be different than your own dad was.

Your child could very well be on the way to getting into prostitution. Many children and youth in prostitution are looking for that one man in the world who cares about and respects them. They seek an anchor for their lives, a root out of which they can grow.

Imagine yourself listening to your own burial service. What do you want people to say about your relationship to your own child? Don’t you want the one person on this planet whose life came from you to know they are loved and that they count?

Here’s what you can do: If you have any chance, however slim, to communicate with your child, do it before it is too late. Tell your child how much you love, support, and respect them. Tell them that no matter what happens, whatever they do, you will love them.

Bad attitudes block everything. See what attitudes you can give up—being right, being in control, being a victim, or blaming others. Forget about proving yourself a "man." Be a human being! Make sure your child has one clear message burned into their very soul:

"My dad really loves me and cares about me. My dad would do anything to make sure I have a good life. I know that I count on this earth."

To the ABUSIVE father

Most fathers would go to the grave defending whatever they have said or done. But if your child is out there as fair game for anyone’s fancy, what good are all your defenses? Absolutely none! What is more important to you, your own honor or the well-being of your child?

Face the possibility that somehow your child didn’t hear what you were trying to say. They couldn’t feel the caring or love through your control, anger, harsh words, or invasions of their privacy.

What can you do now? Lay down your "manhood," your "l’m the dad" stance and communicate with your child as one human being to another. Listen without judging. Put aside your defensiveness and excuses. Listen to their hurt, to the feelings they express, Understand and feel their pain, apologize when appropriate. Realize that this kind of hurt, of clearing the air; can lead to freedom and joy and to an open and close relationship with your child.

Lastly, if amends need to be made, you make them. Pay for the counseling, for schooling—and don’t go the cheap route either. In honoring your child, you honor yourself.

To the WELL-MEANING father

You have good intentions. You really do want the best for your child. You provide well, try to make sure your kid stays out of trouble. You see the best in your child, notice, acknowledge, serve, enjoy your child. And you might even overprotect your child.

Without realizing it, you may be naive. The very last thing you’d ever suspect is that someone would trick or force your child into prostitution. You would never think your child could be so vulnerable, that the outcome would be the complete reverse of your intentions.

Tell your child what they might face and find ways to educate yourself and them. Tell your child there are people in the world to which money, power and control mean more than a young person’s dignity or future. As an equal, discuss what the dangers are and come up with ways to avoid them. Teach your child how they can live safely in a manipulative and treacherous world. This is not about dominating your child, but equipping them for life.

Dad, are you still there? I hope so. I know you care. You want to do the right thing for your child, to be the best role model possible, to show how much you love them. You can do it, one small step at a time. Take that first step now.

by Al Erickson, father, founder and director of A-STOP

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.