The STOPLight

Are you man enough to read this?

All our lives we males have been challenged to be men. There have been many messages. Real men don't cry. Real men are tough. Real men don't let fear bother them when someone needs help. Real men like to be sexually active and know how to do this so nobody gets hurt.

Some other messages come through more faintly. Real men play fair. Real men can be gentle. Real men know when and how to fight, and when to lay down their arms. Real men protect others. Real men don't let hurting people get hurt more.

We have established rules in our "masculine" games. In boxing, the fighter knocked down gets a chance to get up without being hit again. In football, the injured player gets the benefit of a time-out and is given the option of going to the sideline.

The sex industry would have us believe that being a "customer" (john) means we are real men and that the rules are fair to all involved. It connects being a real man with going to "gentlemen's clubs." It promotes the message that real men have the right to "adult entertainment" which hurts no one.

As one of the millions of men on this planet, I say this is plain and simple hogwash. The sex industry creates and propagates lies. It neither respects my creed as a man nor does it respect the women and young people I care about. The sex industry is about making money, about power, about exploiting people — then leaving the victims, their families and society to live with the devastation, heal the hurt, and pay the bills.

Statistics from all over the country clearly show that the sex industry does not play by fair rules. It does not call a time-out when it finds an abused or hurting child. When the sex industry sees someone who is down and semi-conscious, it does not stand back and give them a chance to get up. It moves in for the kill—to manipulate, to charm, to control and to profit from another person's tragedy and hurt.

A real man will sense when someone is too vulnerable, too easy, too naive, too wild. A real man will back off. A real man knows that he could take advantage. He could also shoot a tame deer and call himself a hunter, but is this manly?

The sex industry is very clever. It has found ways of using movies, TV and the press to promote its business as victimless, sophisticated, recreational, glamorous, as making good economic sense.

A teacher I once had said one should not pound his fist if what he has to say is not substantial. If your message is no more forceful than a feather, don't work to pound it home. But the sex industry speaks its blather with all the force and impact of modern media. This is tragic. Men are being sold a bill of goods which can ruin their marriages, their relationships with their children, their reputations in the community, even threaten their lives.

We are told the sex industry provides jobs, allows strippers and nude dancers the right to artistic expression, makes people famous and pays big money. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? They appeal to my desire to contribute to society. They want me to feel like a knight in shining armor who will be helping a struggling youngster launch a big career. Now, wouldn't that make me feel good?

Let me tell you a story about real manliness.

Frank Barnaba, executive director of the Paul & Lisa Program which helps young women escape from prostitution in Manhattan, tells about speaking to a group of students at a high school in Connecticut. He showed slides of young women and girls working in prostitution on the streets of New York City. He told the tragic story of one young woman who had been sexually abused since she was three years old, who knew nothing better of life than to be abused. After the class, a male student came to talk to Frank, white in the face. He said, "Mr. Barnaba, I have been to New York and that very girl you showed on the slide, I used her sexually. Now I understand what has put her in that place and made her willing to do that.. . and I feel horrible."

Here is real manliness. He had the guts to come forth and face the fact that he had participated in the devastation of another human being. Right then, he crossed the line from pretending to be a man to being a real man, taking responsibility for what he had done to another person.

Real men don't hurt others in order to get their own needs met. Real men don't have to worry if they'll bring some terrible disease home to their wives. Real men think about consequences before they act.

As a man, I can choose not to believe the enticing and deceitful messages in the media. I can choose to respect the gift of Sex without exploiting another person, without paying them to be degraded. I think with my brain, not my penis. I can keep sexual fantasies to myself and not seek to fulfill them.

Let me continue to speak frankly, man to man, straight up. We have been told in a million ways why we need the sex industry. We have maybe even bought into the hype about prostitution being victimless. As one man to another, I ask you to consider. . .and reconsider.

Jesus of Nazareth said there would always be evil in the world. There will always be those who cause others to stumble and fall, but it doesn't have to be me. He says, "Woe to that person who chooses to foster evil on people who are childlike and vulnerable. It would be better for that person to have a large millstone tied around his neck and be drowned in the deep sea." (Matthew 18:6,7)

Let us men choose to keep women and children safe, healthy and being valued and cherished as fellow human beings. In this way we exemplify what being a real man is and we make our contribution to bringing great love and deep joy into our lives, into the world.

by Al Erickson, founder and director of the S.T.O.P. Committee

In 2002 our organization changed its name to Adults Saving Kids. Prior to that we were called A-STOP (Alliance for Speaking Truths On Prostitution), STOP (Speaking Truths On Prostitution), or Grassroots Ministry Alliance.