The STOPLight

Yes, parents CAN do something!

We humans live quite comfortably in and with deception. Many of us are better liars than we are truth-tellers. We deceive ourselves, thinking if we can't see it or don't know about it, it doesn't exist; it can't hurt us. And when we listen, we subconsciously filter out what we don't want to hear. What's left? Less than the truth. In this process, we filter out some of the most critical information we need to have. Unwittingly we endanger our own children. To give an example: We Americans become terribly alarmed by the few people luring our little children into cars or kidnapping them. At the same time, we hardly acknowledge the existence of thousands of youth and young adults who are lured and manipulated into the sexual exploitation industry every year.

Most of us have pretty much bought into the myths and media portrayal of prostitution and the sex industry as a whole. We don't have to be concerned because only homeless or really bad kids get involved in prostitution, right? Only city kids have to be concerned. It doesn't affect my family or my community. Hah! It's time for us to wake up and wise up.

I've been parenting a child or adolescent for 37 years. One thing I've learned about myself is that I really want parenting to be simple and easy. Since I don't get paid for it, it shouldn't take up all my time or be the most challenging part of my life, should it? Wrong!

Since I will never be the perfect parent anyway, I drift towards just trying to do a decent job. But what's missing? I lose track of having my parenting make a difference in my kids' lives. Part of my failure to be the parent that I want to be is that I don't know what to do or what to say to my child. So I mosey along, living in self-deception that my child will not become a victim of commercial sexual exploitation.

As parents, what can we do? We can be the source of a healthier future for our children. Knowledge is power. Here are some specific things we can start to do today:

1. Wake up and realize that predators are definitely looking for vulnerable young people -- not only to sexually abuse them, but to trap them into prostitution or into being customers. As we learn about the dangers, we can teach our children specific words to say and things to do to be safe.
2. Monitor our children's television viewing. As we watch shows with our kids, we can point out what messages being portrayed are false or contrary to our family's values. For example, many programs show revenge and violence as ways to deal with wrongs people experience. Explain that nonviolence is much more effective and less harmful, but revenge appeals to baser human instincts. We can discuss alternatives to taking revenge or being violent.
3. We can accept our parenting responsibilities totally -- not half-heartedly or occasionally. This could mean:
   1. not judging, lecturing, complaining or neglecting ourchildren;
   2. talking with kids andresponding so they know we are listening;
   3. getting to know what goes on in their world and hearing their point of view on what it is like to deal with the pressures and dilemmas they face.
4. We can attend to things in our kids' lives that could make them vulnerable -- things like unaddressed trauma, abuse, grief, neglect. We can find constructive ways to help them deal with low self-esteem; learn about and look for signs of drug or alcohol addiction; get an evaluation and possibly medication for ADD or ADHD; find underlying reasons for poor grades and work with our child and the school to improve. It is urgent that we deal with these issues when our children are younger and more open.
5. We can find many ways, words, and opportunities to express love, pride, partnership without taking away our child's need to make choices and suffer consequences for those choices. (An overprotective parent may well be handing over the baton of control to a waiting pimp.)
6. We can form a team of friends and professionals to support us. Parenting may be the toughest challenge of our life-be committed to it and seek out those who can help.
7. We can equip ourselves with knowledge about the very real dangers that exist for our children. Knowing will help us be a more alert, more empowering, more creative parent as we teach our children skills to deal with predators.
8. We can pray each day to God to protect our children from harm and danger. We can ask God to bring them through the storms of life. We can claim the promise that God cares and will be active even in the upsets. We can pray for the courage to make requests, the grace to laugh, and the freedom to let go.

by Al Erickson, founder and director of Adults Saving Kids